Turkey Day Prep

This morning Clara and I hit the grocery store at 8:00.  She was still in her jammies and I hadn't done my hair or makeup (or even brushed my teeth yet - so gross, I know) but I wanted to go at a time when I wouldn't have to wait in any lines and I was trying to get everything before Clara needed to go down for her morning nap.  She looks so tired in these photos but oh-so-cute in her jim-jams.  This was her first time ever sitting in the cart instead of me just carrying her around or sticking her carseat in the cart.  She did well but I need to get one of those cover things that I see all the moms with these days.  Mom - take note, that is a good Christmas present idea.

We bought everything we needed for our Thanksgiving dinner:  vegetables, potatoes (yam and russet), marshmallows for the sweet potatoes, turkey, etc. 

And now she is taking a nap and I am blogging while we wait for Grandpa Russ, Grandma Cici and Aunt Jessica to get here!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today in Highs and Lows

High:  Clara slept through the night.

Low:  I somehow still woke up feeling exhausted.

High:  Clara crawled (officially crawled, not just army-style!) halfway across the living room rug to get to ME instead of a toy.

Low:  45 minutes later I had to take her to the doctor's office to get 4 shots where she sobbed pretty much the entire visit even before the shots started because she was having anxiety about the nurse and the doctor.

High:  Clara is growing really well (15 lbs. 9.5 oz. now!) and the doctor continues to proclaim that she is perfect.  Also, when she was crying at the doctor's office she wrapped her tiny arms around my neck and clutched at my hair.

Low:  I then had to get a flu shot of my own.  Clara had no sympathy for me but did stop crying at this point.

High:  Clara napped for 2 hours while I ran errands at Target (found a super darling work shirt for $6 - will have to post a photo at some point), returned library books and audiobooks, and dropped off our Comcast cable box (we decided we don't need all the extra channels and are trying to cut back on our TV viewing anyway, plus it will save loads of moolah, which is always nice).

Low:  All I ate for lunch was leftover greenbeans from dinner last night.  guh.

High:  I got a letter back from the state of California saying they are finally going to pay me my Family & Medical Leave Act pay for the last five weeks after I wrote them an nasty explanatory letter about how their decision that I didn't qualify for the pay was wrong a couple weeks ago.  In my letter, I may have emphasized multiple times that I am a lawyer, but I doubt that mattered.

Low:  At 2:00 I had to go meet with an accountant who is helping us straighten out some issues with the IRS.  Getting audited makes me frowny.  I'm not sure if it is a full-fledge audit or what, but either way, Paul is having to dig out info from 2009 and 2010 in order to avoid having to pay more money to the government that we would rather put toward our next adoption fund.

High:  I finally caved and made the chocolate chip cookies I have been craving for two weeks now.

Low:  I finally caved and made the chocolate chip cookies I have been craving for two weeks now. 

High:  I washed three sinkloads of dishes.  Yes, they were piled all over the place and yes I was disgusted with myself.  I ate my breakfast using a plastic spoon this morning.

Low:  Ali & Roberto from The Bachelorette split up.  (Just kidding, I don't really care of about this.  But they did actually split up.)

How was your Thanksgiving week Monday?

Clara's Day in Court (aka, Finalization)

This morning we went to court to finalize Clara's adoption.  It was amazing.  Now she's a bona fide Nash!  In all seriousness, it was such a special, incredible experience.  The day started early:  I actually set an alarm to wake up at 6:00 a.m. for the first time since May (thank goodness Clara is sleeping through the night now!).  Clara woke up around 6:45 and by then Paul and I were close enough to being ready that we tag-teamed getting her dressed, fed, and putting her hair in her signature pigtails so we could leave by 7:15. 

I was glad that we got to the courthouse early because it meant we were able to take photos outside before most other people started showing up.  Clara was in a great mood and looked so darling in the yellow cardigan and floral dress my mom bought for her.  Paul and I dressed our lawyerliest (partially at my insistence that I could not bring myself to go in front of a judge without a suit jacket - it would just be too weird for me.)

After taking photos outside the Santa Clara Superior Court, we went through security.

The Court had put together a little program for all of the families having their adoptions finalized today in celebration of National Adoption Month.  There were 35 children being adopted by 28 families.  It was so amazing to be a part of that.  There were children being adopted through the foster care system, little twin girls from India who were probably 18 months old, and our little Clara who was the youngest child there.  There were a couple of short messages delivered by judges and adoption advocates.  Then we were all dismissed to the various courtrooms we had been assigned to. 

We went to Department 10 on the 4th floor for our finalization hearing before Judge Valencia in his chambers.  Clara fell asleep just as we were getting on the elevator and took a little 10-15 minute catnap while we waited in the courtroom for a family that was in line ahead of us to meet with the judge.

In addition to me, Paul and Clara, the other people who were present included the judge, his bailiff, a clerk, the court reporter, and a volunteer who took care of our paperwork for us and took our photos with the judge after the hearing was over.  Judge Valencia commented on Clara's purple shoes.  The hearing only took about 15 minutes.  We went on the record and I held Clara on my lap while Paul and I took the Oath.  The judge asked us about our adoption expense report, we signed some paperwork, and then the judge asked us to repeat the following after him:

We, Paul and Amy,

Solemnly swear to treat Clara

In all respects as our natural child.

We are prepared to accept

This gift of a child to raise.

We will share our lives with her,

Help to mold her mind,

Nurture her body,

And enrich her spirit.

We will never betray her trust,

Dampen her hopes, or

Discourage her dreams.

We make this commitment willingly.

We will cherish Clara

All the days of our lives.

I could hear Paul holding back the emotion in his voice as we repeated the words after the judge said them.  All I could do was just smile.  Clara started chattering along with us - she has been making very purposeful noises lately like she is actually attempting words and conversation rather than just emitting random baby noises - and I smiled even bigger.  And just like that, we were legally made into a family.  We were a family before, but this felt special and important.  It felt right.  And I was thanking my lucky stars and my Father in Heaven for the blessing of today and of Clara and of Paul and Kayli and adoption and so many other things that make life so wonderful. 

Afterwards the judge invited us to take photos with him in his chambers.  He even asked if he could hold Clara for a bit.  I was so glad that her stranger anxiety didn't kick in because she had been in such a great mood the entire morning.  Instead, she seemed pretty fascinated by the judge's mustache and kept trying to touch his face.  Funny girl. 

While our volunteer went to wait in line to file the adoption decree with the court, Paul and I joined the other families for a post-finalization refreshments and a celebration where each child was given a blanket donated by Project Linus (we chose a white and yellow crocheted throw that is really darling), a stuffed animal, and a balloon.  We left the courthouse by about 10:15 so that Paul could change clothes before heading to the office. 

I can't hit "publish" on this post without inviting you to link over to Kayli's blog to read her take on finalization that she posted this morning.  She is amazing.  She is our angel and my hero.  I hope she knows that. 

I've used enough superlatives for one blog post, but let me just sum up today by saying that I felt so much love for our perfect, happy, intelligent and beautiful little girl.  Looking forward to December and eternity now...

Auburn, CA

This past weekend we drove out to Placer County to visit our good friends, the Millers, who just moved to Auburn from the Bay Area.  Auburn is GORGEOUS.  Honestly, I probably told Paul 20 times over the weekend that I want to move there too.  We didn't get away until late Friday night because Paul had a project come up at work that kept him at the office until 8:00 p.m. on Veteran's Day, but it was so fun to finally arrive at almost midnight and get the tour of our friends' beautiful new home. 

Saturday morning we went for a long walk looking at trails, bridges, homes and the American River, and we even went through an open house in Jason & Ginny's neighborhood (I was pretty serious about wanting to move there - it is an awesome area).  Auburn is at the heart of gold country so there are all these little old town centers from the mid to late 1800's. 

We ate "Rat Trap" sandwiches for lunch at a place called "The Cheese Shop" in downtown Newcastle, which used to be a packing and loading station in the late 1800's and early 1900's for fruit grown in the area that was shipped back to the east coast.  Clara and Max rode in the backseat of Jason & Ginny's Flex together whenever we drove somewhere and they were so cute back there. 

Clara is looking a little uncertain about the lack of adult supervision back there.

In the afternoon Jason and Paul went shopping (at Home Depot) and did house projects while Ginny and I took care of the kids, put them down for naps, looked at photo albums and just visited. 

That evening we went to Old Town Auburn to walk around and explore the cute shops and then on to downtown Auburn to eat dinner at a mongolian barbeque place.  The Placer County Courthouse is in Old Town Auburn and it has to be one of the most picturesque places I have seen outside of Europe.

Our friends with their 3 year old Ollie.

Paul kept Clara warm near this fire pit in downtown Auburn.

This was Clara's first time riding in an umbrella stroller that we borrowed from our friends.  It was awesome and so much more convenient than her huge travel system Graco stroller.  I think she may have to get one of these for Christmas or something.

I just adore all of the leaves on the sidewalk during the fall.

There is a huge statue of a gold miner in Old Town Auburn that can be seen from I-80.  Clara posed as a little nugget of gold for this photo. 

Paul set his camera on a bush to take a couple of group photos of us in front of the miner statue.

On Sunday Ginny made us some amazing crepes with nutella and bananas for breakfast and we all went to church together.  Ginny is one of those friends who makes the most amazing food.  Seriously, I think I ask for a recipe for something she makes almost every time we are at her house.  I credit her with such favorites around the House of Nash as Chocolate Lava Cakes, Black Bean & Avocado Salsa, and my favorite cheesy potatoes ever.

It was so fun to see our friends who we miss so much even though they just moved a few weeks ago.  We're glad that at least they aren't too far away so hopefully we can visit again soon!

Clara had fun playing with the fire truck when the boys were distracted.

Feeling the pressure

I go back to work in 2 weeks.  TWO WEEKS!  Blurg.  I wish I felt differently but to be honest, I'm fighting back a rising panic and my anxiety levels are through the roof.  Paul has heard way too much preemptive whining on my part about how hard it is going to be.  I want to just enjoy this time and not freak out about how Clara will do in daycare, but the past two times I took her to the gym with me it was pretty rough.  As in, she cried so much that the staff came and got me off the treadmill both times because she wouldn't calm down.  Which at first seemed totally weird since I have been taking her to the gym on a regular basis since she was 6 weeks old and she never had any problems with it before.  But then, I know that she is reaching the stage where separation anxiety kicks in and that it is totally normal fo tiny tots to experience it and that she will be just fine.  Paul and I are going on our first childless date this Saturday (to our ward holiday dinner for adults only) and we have hired a babysitter, so we will see how that goes. 

The thing is, Clara doesn't cry.  Like, ever.  She fusses when she gets hungry but it never even comes close to a wail.  So when I have handed her over to friends recently and her little lower lip starts to quiver and her eyes fill with tears of betrayal, I seriously feel like the worst parent in the world.  What kind of monster am I that I would take the happiest baby ever and intentionally do something (like let somebody else hold her) that would make her sad?  I'm just praying that she gets over the anxiety quickly.

I find myself racing to complete projects in my remaining time off work:

• finish making Christmas presents for my nieces and nephews (why did I decide to hand sew the most darling elephants you've ever seen for each of them?  I should have just bought them each a book.)
• finish Christmas shopping for everybody else (I'm getting close to being done, thank goodness.  Paul and I love making lists of each person we are getting gifts for and writing our idea next to their names.  It is one of those little traditions that we have developed that has become one of my favorite things.)
• make a whole bunch of meals to put in the freezer for when I go back to work so I have one less thing to stress about (we just bought a stand-up freezer on Craigslist for our garage so that we have more space in our freezer, so if anybody has any good recipes or links to recipes that freeze well, please send them my way!  Especially if you have good crockpot meals where you can throw all the ingredients in a freezer bag so that I can just empty the bag into the crockpot as I am heading out the door for work.)
• finish making my blog books (I'm using Blurb to make books of all of my posts from previous years, which is something I have been wanting to do for a long time.  Turns out it is more time-consuming than I would have thought but I have to finish by November 30th so I can use my 20% off coupon.)

Then there are all the smaller things like cleaning the house, fulfilling my new calling (did I mention on here that I was just called to be the 2nd Counselor in Young Womens' in my ward?  Happy dance!), blogging, ordering Christmas cards, decorating for the holidays, straightening up the office, etc.  Gosh, I'm overwhelmed just thinking about all of it.  I keep making mental lists of all this stuff in my head and then remembering tasks that I forgot to add to the mental list and I know I am going to drop the ball somewhere and miss Clara's next doctor's appointment or leave the drycleaning at the cleaner's for a month or something. 

I actually sat down to write about our fun weekend and post cute photos but look what just spewed out.  And now Clara is awake so I need to feed her and then get ready super fast for 9:00 a.m. visiting teaching.  And Paul came back into the house and told me that his truck was vandalized last night (a section of pipe underneath his truck was cut off I guess - the same thing happened to one of our friends in Utah Paul says) and he needed to take my car to work today so I am without transportation.  Cute photos about fun times coming later I guess.

Heaven help me, today feels like it is going to be one of those days.