Random Bullets

• About 3 weeks ago Clara learned how to open doors on her own.  We have been fortunate that she hasn't cared much about this for a long time but now that it has happened I find it is not so bad as I feared.  At least she still can't reach the deadbolt on the front door yet.
• I caved at the farmer's market tonight and bought a small olallieberry pie since I have been denying myself one all summer long every time I went past the baking stall.  Of course, then I had to stop by the grocery store on the way home for vanilla ice cream.  Somehow my ice cream to pie ratio was off and I had to have an extra half slice of pie to go with the leftover ice cream.  Like, HAD to.
• Paul sends me cute texts during the day reminding me to get a babysitter for the weekend or to rave about the leftovers I sent with him for lunch.  Last week when I was sick he actually called during his lunch break, which just happened to be during Clara's naptime and I just happened to have successfully fallen asleep (daytime napping is practically impossible for me) for the first time in the middle of the day in ages and ages (probably the first time this year).  He felt pretty bad, which was good because I was not super happy about it and needed appropriate remorse and groveling before I could forgive.
• Clara's imagination is taking off!  Today she was giving her Minnie Mouse figurine "swimming lessons".  She would set her up and then Clara would bend herself in half and do the "crawl" stroke around the room while pretending to blow bubbles.  She never successfully did this during her own swimming lessons this summer.  If you can't do, teach, right?  We also spent the afternoon running from room to room "catching" butterflies that had apparently infested our house (this was all her idea once she spotted her butterfly net in the corner of her closet.  I had to describe each butterfly (blue with white stars! yellow with green stripes!) then she would say "flutter-flutter:  it got away mommy!!" and off we went to catch another one.
• Clara has been able to count to 10 for a long time but she absolutely has refused to do it for months now.  Then she watches one episode of "Super Why" with a character called "Math-a-Million" and now she counts anything and everything perfectly all the way up to twelve. 
  She has also started identifying letters and is pretty good at it too, getting most of them correct.  Although she always calls them "Super Letters". 
• Paul has become a lighting genius and has turned our front yard into a crazy beautiful paradise with spotlights on the trees and mood lighting in the flower beds.  It took him pretty much all of Saturday and Monday to get them installed, but it is seriously my favorite place now and we have spent part of every evening sitting outside on the bench just admiring the glow.  He is still tweaking some things and we still need to put sod in part of the yard where we had bushes before, but hopefully we'll get that done soon and I can put photos on here since the difference is huge (at least to us). 
• I am already obsessing over Halloween.  I am trying to keep things in check and I haven't actually put out any decorations yet or anything (Paul says no) but I am working on our costumes (so excited!) and when I walked into the grocery store I noticed they already have Jack-o-Lanterns topping some of their aisles and a seasonal section that is already half-filled with bags of candy and Halloween paraphernalia and it made me all happy inside. 

Surprise Utah Trip

For YEARS now Paul has planned a fly-fishing trip to Montana with his dad every August, only to have something come up that makes the trip impossible.  So I was glad that he was finally able to fulfill his ambition to get back to his favorite fly-fishing spot and spend a few days there on the river with his dad.  Paul took the nice camera with him so the only photos I have for this post (about my and Clara's adventures while daddy was off fishing - he will have to do a post of his own about his adventure) are from my iPhone. 

 

And just to forewarn you, there will be gratuitous photos (well, at least 2 or 3) of me in a bathing suit later on so you may want to either: A. Stop reading now and close the browser as the content of this post may be unsuitable for some viewers, or B. Rapidly scroll through the post to satisfy your curiosity, you naughty rascals, then come back and pay attention to the most important photos. 

 

Before we left, Paul spent a couple nights getting his "craft" on tying flies.  Paul impressed my dad and won my hand in marriage thanks to this skill alone. 

 

Before Clara and I left, we went to a local toystore to pick out the perfect Schleich animal figurines for cousin Lily for her 2nd birthday since we were going to be there to give them to her in person (her birthday was the 20th).  We got her the Asian male elephant and the male giraffe.  I LOVE the Schleich animals.  But they also make dinosaurs and knights and princesses and soldiers, etc.  Clara studied medieval battle tactics while she waited for me to check out.

My parents had NO clue that Clara and I were coming to Utah.  My mom knew for a long time that Paul was going and I hemmed and hawed about what I was going to do while he was gone - maybe go to Disneyland, maybe just stay home and sulk, etc.  Really, I didn't decide for sure to go until about a week before he left when I realized my friend who lives in Auburn was back from North Dakota and I could stay with her the first night and shorten my total driving time by 3 hours on the second day.  So when Clara and I rolled in Tuesday night and Clara ran into the garage where my dad was painting, it was a big surprise.  My mom was down at Jennie's (I told Jennie in advance so that she could come stay at my parents' house while we were there so that we could maximize our time together) and Jennie texted me when my mom left so we would know when to expect her home.  I am horrible about keeping secrets so it was a big deal that I pulled this off.  Basically, I didn't talk to my mom once I made the final decision to go because I knew I would spill the beans. 

Anyway, we did a lot of fun things during our short time there.  We took the girls to watch the dancing water fountain with lights and music at Farmington Station one night after dinner.  They enjoyed splashing together.

The girls also had fun painting together.

We went to the Layton wave pool, which freaked Clara out unless she was in the little inflatable raft that Jennie fortunately had stashed in the back of her minivan and was able to bring in.  Every time the buzzer sounded and the waves came on (for about 5 minutes on the half hour) Clara would start sobbing and cling to me.  It was sad and hilarious and I totally didn't expect that reaction out of our little daredevil who typically isn't afraid of much.  I love this picture of my mom walking in with all the girls holding hands.  They all clearly adore Grandma Cece.

At least Clara thought it was fun sharing the raft with Adelaide when the waves weren't going.

Afterwards we went to Café Rio for dinner, then stopped at the Sweet Tooth Fairy for birthday cupcakes for my mom and Lily.  I found a new favorite - the Raspberry Limeade cupcake - although I still LOVE the Salted Caramel cupcake too.

I texted this picture to Paul since I knew it would make him jealous.  He loves his grilled steak burrito enchilada style from Café Rio.  We petition the Café Rio Facebook page on a regular basis to open a restaurant in the Bay Area.

It was fun being there for my mom's birthday.  I made salmon and Jennie made a German chocolate cake and my grandparents and aunts came over.  The girls enjoyed helping grandma open her presents.

Then Lily, Clara, and Emma climbed up on Grandpa.  Somebody really should have held Adelaide up in this picture too.  I know I am biased, but aren't these the cutest cousins you have ever seen?  Everybody comments on how darling it is that we have a true redhead, a brunette, and a blonde in the mix, and it is looking like Adelaide will bridge the gap between Emma's color and Lily's color by being a true strawberry blonde like her mommy.

My aunt Renita read books to the girls before bedtime.

One day my sister Jessica had a bunch of her friends from Provo come up to the house for food, games, and swimming at Farmington Pond.  Jennie, my mom, the girls, and I all decided to go to the pond too.  We ALMOST didn't wear our swimsuits because pond-swimming? ew. but actually we were really glad we did.  The water was lovely and we had so much fun.

Jessica showed me how it was done on the rope swing.  It didn't look so hard but when I got up there, it totally freaked me out.  Mostly because I was afraid I wouldn't have the arm strength to hold on to the rope long enough to swing out to where the water was deep enough for me to drop in without fear of breaking my leg or anything. 

So first I bided my time letting other people have turns at the swing while I took pictures on my phone and played with the girls, swimming them out into the middle of the lake by turns while they sat in the inflatable pool toy.

Grandma even waded in so we could take a picture with ALL the girls (minus Adelaide again, who was asleep in her carseat on the bank).

Finally I decided I had stalled long enough and decided to attempt the rope swing.  My first jump from the base of the tree was not scary at all.  I actually climbed to the higher spot first and froze up, so Jessica told me to try the lower level first to get the jitters out since that is what she had done.

The problem with starting so low is that I couldn't reach high enough on the rope so I basically dragged through the water.  It wasn't at all graceful and I hope I didn't embarrass Jessica too badly in front of all her friends.

But I immediately got right back up and climbed to the higher spot, which I am guessing was maybe 12 feet high? and jumped right away before I could think about it.

And I was pretty proud of myself for doing it.  Feel free to have a good laugh at my expense for posting this picture.  It was SO much fun though.

When it was time to go, Jennie and I swam the little girls across the lake in the little toy raft since we had parked on the opposite side and trekked in and didn't feel like trekking back.  It wasn't far, but the girls liked being ferried across and Emma threw a fit that she only got one crossing.

After cleaning up, Emma did my hair for me.  She was very serious about it too and when Clara took over Emma patiently explained multiple times to start brushing at the top and then go down (something that Clara still hadn't grasped).  Thanks to Emma's tutelage, I am looking forward to fewer split ends and snarls from Clara's vigorous brushing of my hair in the wrong direction.  I read books to Emma to prolong the pampering. 

I'm very sad that this is the only picture I have of little almost four-month-old Adelaide from this trip.  She is SUCH a cute and happy little gal but she only likes catnaps during the day.  One time she woke up from a snooze and I held her because Jennie was getting ready.  After not too long of me bouncing her, she fell back asleep in my arms.  You guys, there not a whole lot in the world that gets better than this.  Little Lady (my nickname for Adelaide - well, not mine alone, but the one I like to use) is such a snuggler and she liked nuzzling her head right up under my chin.  So sweet.

 

My mom was awesome and did the 12 hour drive home with me on Sunday so that she could go to Clara's gymnastics class on Monday.  I had forgotten that I had ordered a 40 lb. box of pears that got delivered while we were gone so she also got roped into helping me bottle pears, something I had never done on my own before.

 

It was a whirlwind trip and we are glad we got to see my side of the family while we were there.  But we are also glad to be back home with Paul.  I'll see if I can talk him into doing a write-up of his exploits on Rock Creek in Montana next.

Adoption 101 - the financial aspect

We often get asked questions about various aspects of adoption.  And there is a LOT to learn when it comes to adopting a baby - about yourself, about the process, about creating an open adoption relationship, etc.  I have decided to write an occasional post on here that is sort of more specifically geared toward answering some of the questions we have had ourselves going through the process or that others have asked us.

Today's topic:  How much does it cost to adopt? 

It largely depends on the agency and even then it depends on the specific adoption situation.  The normal range is between $25,000 and $35,000, although adoptions (and I am only referring to domestic adoption - babies born in the U.S. only and adopted by U.S. couples) can regularly be up around the $45,000 to $55,000 range.  Anything over that and from my perspective the agency or lawyer facilitating the adoption is probably unethical.  But I have heard of adoptions costing around $75,000 (but again, that has got to be with an unethical agency or lawyer).

I know my jaw dropped when I first learned just how much adoption costs.  Some adoptive couples take out loans to cover the fees or borrow from family.  There is an adoption tax credit that can help out some families who qualify.  Lots of adoptive families try to do fundraisers (Paul and I have done garage sales combined with bake sales, and I have done family photography where we earmark the money we've earned specifically for adoption.  I might have to do a post about other fundraiser ideas in the future.)  But the reality is that adoption is very expensive.

And that is just the cost of the agency/lawyer/adoption facilitator.  There are often costs associated with traveling to the birthmom's location and staying there for a week or two or three while waiting for ICPC clearance (government permission to move a child from one state to another after a birthmom signs relinquishment papers) goes through.  Plane tickets, hotel rooms, rental cars, and lots of eating out don't come cheap, especially when those are usually last minute reservations based on when a baby decides to be born.

But none of the cost mentioned above goes to the child's birthmom.  It is illegal for a birthmom to receive any compensation for a child she places for adoption.  Sometimes a part of the adoption fees can be used by the agency or facilitator to pay for her housing, food, or medical care during the pregnancy, but that's pretty much it. 

Every agency breaks down adoption costs differently and it is hard to get a good grasp of exactly where the costs go, but it pays for homestudies, background checks, court costs, getting certified copies of all paperwork, marketing, post-placement supervision, birth parent counseling, etc.  But I think that a big part of the cost is typically just an agency fee (i.e., profit to the agency) because they facilitated the connection between a birthmom and an adoptive couple. 

The agency we used for Clara's adoption is largely subsidized by our church, which makes adoption much more financially feasible for couples who are hoping to adopt because they recognize that there are a lot of really great couples who have infertility issues that make pregnancy impossible but simply can't afford $25-50k for an adoption.  LDS Family Services (our agency) does a sliding scale approach based on the couple's gross income but the cost is between $4,000 and $10,000.  But due to the high number of couples who would like to adopt and the low number of babies placed for adoption, LDSFS has policies that only allow couples to use their services until they have two children, regardless of whether those children were adopted through LDSFS, some other agency, or the couple was able to have a child biologically.  So we can use them for our next adoption, but after that we will have to pursue other avenues for adoption if we want to try to adopt a third child.

There are a number of downsides to using LDSFS though.  Yes, the cost is much more manageable, but LDSFS doesn't "market" to birthmoms like a lot of private agencies do.  My understanding is that usually birthmoms who go through LDSFS are directed there by word of mouth or because they are also members of our church.  Another thing with LDSFS is that Paul and I don't move up a list of couples who get "priority" or anything like that whereas with some agencies, a couple essentially takes a place in line and knows that a match is likely to happen within a certain time-frame.  I recently emailed with another adoptive mom who told me that with their first adoption, their agency charged a $54,000 adoption fee and they were told that they could expect a 6-9 month wait for a child.  With LDSFS we could literally wait for years without ever having a successful adoption until we decide to pursue a different avenue. 

The two other main paths to adoption are foster care and international adoption.  I will probably do separate posts on each of them in the future because they are so different from domestic adoption, which is what we are familiar with.  But cost-wise, foster care is the most "economical" option because in many cases the financial cost to adopt is almost nothing.  And international adoption costs vary greatly depending not just on the agency used by also on the country of the adoption. 

Some people are shocked or outraged when they learn about how much it costs.  It is always mildly uncomfortable to talk about because we don't want to be perceived as "buying" a baby (because we certainly don't perceive it that way although there is a very large anti-adoption community online that does).  I hope this post de-mystifies some of the financial aspects of adoption.

Gilroy Gardens

About 40 minutes south of us is a small-ish theme park called Gilroy Gardens.  We have known about it for a while but lately I have had a number of friends tell me that I really ought to take Clara there because she would love it.  I finally made it happen this week and I am so glad we checked it out.  We actually even bought a membership that is good for the rest of this year and through next year too for just $35 more than what our ticket cost for the day and it includes parking and a bunch of guest passes and everything so we are looking forward to lots more days at Gilroy Gardens in the future!

 

There is a miniature carousel that had tiny horses just Clara's size.  Clara likes to designate things by "size" these days.  Things are "Clara-size" or "mommy-size" or "baby Piper (or Carter or Adelaide or Graham - these are the babies she knows, although Piper tends to be the most common reference)-size". 

 

Gilroy is known for produce and farming (particularly garlic -  it has a garlic festival every year) so most of the rides at Gilroy Gardens are produce based like the strawberry swings.

There was a "mommy-size" carousel that Clara rode on too.  This girl LOVES carousels.

A couple of the rides are for tiny tots and Clara enjoyed these fish that went up and down and around and around.  I got motion sickness just watching but she squealed and laughed.  The third time she rode this she put her hands in the air (at my prompting) and kept them there for the entire ride while squealing the whole time.

But easily her favorite ride was called "tubs-o-fun" which was a lot like the teacups at Disneyland.  Thank goodness adults weren't allowed on the ride because it would have done me in with motion sickness.  Clara laughed and laughed and laughed and even tried turning her cart around by pulling on the wheel a few times.  I sense that the next time we go to Disneyland I am going to have to man-up and take some Dramamine so I can ride the teacups with her.

The hot air balloon ride was really cool.  Kind of like the giant swings except you are in a big basket. 

Clara liked the "pretty pink flower boats" that floated along a lazy river with topiaries shaped like various animals.

At the end of the day I got a swirled soft-serve cone for us to share but put most of the ice cream in a cup since I knew it would be easier for Clara to eat that way.  I should have kept more ice cream on the cone for myself because Clara did NOT want to share and when I asked for a taste she would block me from sticking my spoon in and declare "MINE!" (her new favorite word). 

Us with the Gilroy Garden mascots. 

We were there from about 11:30 until almost 5:00 and Clara was asleep before we even left the parking lot. 

Oakland Temple & Ice Cream at Fenton's

Saturday was our stake temple day.  Somebody had the genius idea to send around a sign-up list the week before during Relief Society meeting asking if anybody needed babysitting or would be interested in volunteering to babysit.  There is a huge stake center on temple grounds and our ward reserved a room for the kids to stay in during the temple session and it worked out perfectly for us because it meant that we were able to drive to the temple and spend some time on temple grounds together before dropping Clara off to play with toys, eat her snacks, and watch a movie while Paul and I did a temple session together with other members of our stake.  There were four other kids besides Clara and two of them are her little friends Silas & Liesel from around the corner, and the babysitters were a girl who lives a couple houses down from us who is home from college and one of the young women in the ward.  We snapped a quick family photo before going into the temple for the session.

 

I posted this photo of Clara on Instagram.  She loves looking at the fountain in front of the temple and we played here for a few minutes.  She was so happy to be wearing her "pretty church dress" which she usually only gets to wear on Sunday to church. 

The session was wonderful.  I felt so happy and it was the fullest session I have attended in a long time, which makes my heart swell.  The new version of the temple film was absolutely beautiful.  I loved it and learned so, so much and had so many insights that I had never had before.  I can't wait to go back again soon.

Afterwards, we went to Fenton's Creamery for dinner (but really for dessert).  Fenton's is mentioned in the movie "Up" and I think I have blogged about it before.  Fenton's is 119 years old and was founded in 1894 in Oakland.  Clara was VERY excited to be going for ice cream. 

Clara and I split a cheeseburger while Paul had a crispy chicken salad.  We were trying to save room so we could split a junior size banana split (which despite its name is actually enormous - how anyone eats a full size banana split is beyond me). 

The kids get little paper hats to wear.  Clara kept hers on for all of five seconds to pose for this picture with me but then wanted nothing to do with it.

Our friends, the Fischlis.  We enjoy hanging out with these guys.  We were told that the wait for a party of 7 was over 45 minutes but if we split into two groups it was only a 15 minute wait.  But we were lucky that we were seated as separate parties right next to each other so we could just pull our tables together.  Way to beat the system, right?

I meant to take a photo of us (and our banana split) before we started eating it and completely forgot!  Once somebody sets a giant dish of ice cream in front of you with hot fudge dripping off the sides and nuts across the top it is practically impossible to resist digging right in.  We always modify our banana split and get the hot fudge on the vanilla ice cream and marshmallow topping on the chocolate ice cream even though traditionally the vanilla is topped with pinapple topping.  I love it this way.  Oh, and I love that Clara couldn't be bothered to put her spoon down for the photo.  She just kept going at the ice cream. 

I tried to take a picture of what was left of our banana split at the midway point.  Clara had her spoon in the strawberry and Paul had his spoon in the chocolate, surprise, surprise.  I had to take the picture quick and get back in on the action before it was all gone.

We didn't make it home until 9:45 p.m. but Clara stayed awake for the entire drive.  It was the perfect way to spend a Saturday afternoon and evening.