Awesome and Not Awesome

You know what is really awesome? The lazy river at the local pool. There is a waterfall to go under, little kids bump into you while swimming underwater because even though they are wearing goggles they keep their eyes closed, you can swim with the current and pretend that you are as fast as Michael Phelps, and you can swim upstream against the current when the lifeguards aren't looking and pretend like you are really working out. Speaking of lifeguards, I am a good ten years older then most of them, so why do I feel the need to be all sneaky about swimming against the current in a lazy river? I could just ignore them, but I don't. What would they do - kick me out do you think? Hmm, that reminds me of the time I almost got kicked out of Disneyland for commandeering the swinging rope bridge on Tom Sawyer Island and jumping on it like crazy so that nobody else could use it until the Disneyland "cast member" chased me off with threats that if he caught me there again I would be escorted from the park. I'm a troublemaker, I tell ya.

You know what is not awesome? The really gross places people get sweat stains at the gym. And the super tall stair-stepper machines that elevate a certain area to eye-level so that the sweat stains of an individual's posterior nether-region is on display for everyone on the treadmills behind that individual. Ewww.