Some things just need to be said. Others don't. But unfortunately, my off-button malfunctions frequently. Its a problem I have had since childhood. Anyway, what is it about having a blog that drives me to confess really stupid things that I would typically be super embarrassed about confessing? Is it because sometimes when I confess my nerdiness I find that my friends out there validate me by sharing similar tendencies? Or is it because I have seen other people confess things on their blogs and I feel somehow compelled to do the same? I really don't know. But I have a couple more e-confessions for today. (I just made e-confessions up. I'm not sure whether it works or not).
* Sometimes I type up entire blog posts confessing really lame/silly/embarassing stuff and then delete the entire thing before posting.
* Sometimes I read other people's e-confessions and feel embarassed for them and think that they should have deleted the entire thing before posting. Then I wonder how often people think that about me. I am wondering that right now with this post.
* Sometimes I laugh at my own blog posts and then look around to see if Paul was in the room watching.
* Sometimes I read blogs of people that I don't know in any way. Like I will be on your blog and notice that you have a link to somebody else's blog (your 2nd cousin) and click through and then notice that your 2nd cousin has a link to somebody else's blog, and so on and so on. Sometimes I even decide to "follow" these random blogs if they are particularly interesting. And then when Paul walks in the room and asks what I am doing I get really embarrassed and close the web page really fast and say innocently "nothing." Like it was porn or something. But really I am just fascinated with other people's lives and thoughts. I think it may be an illness.
* Sometimes I am freaked out that blogs have "followers". Especially blogs with hundreds of "followers". But sometimes I check to see if I have any new "followers" and it kinda' makes me feel good that someone likes me enough or thinks my blog is interesting enough to "follow" in the first place and I wish that I had more "followers".
* Sometimes I read blog posts of people I respect and admire and love - people who I wish I were more like because they are so awesome - and they rage against things that I love - like ruffly aprons and red kitchen-aids. And for a fraction of a second I feel bad/embarrassed. But then I realize that, 'ya know what, it is OK to like frilly aprons and candy-colored appliances, and I am not ashamed, and that wasn't even what my friend was really blogging/raging about in the first place. And then I realize what it means to be easily offended and that I am a prideful sack and that I completely agree with my friend's post but in a different way than I originally read it. And then I am so grateful for the aforementioned friend for posting something that caused me to have a philosophical moment in my day. Because down deep (or deep down - is either more correct than the other?), those moments of introspection are one of my most favorite things about blogging.
That's it. I've gotta stop myself now. I just read this to Paul and he just said noncomittally, "hmm, that's funny" but in a way that tells me that he thinks this is maybe one of the posts that I should delete rather than post. But I'm posting anyway.