Thursday, December 3, 2009

Thinking about the past

I'm not sure why I started thinking about these things this morning, but the idea has been running around my brain, so I thought I would just go ahead and share some of my biggest regrets and some of the things I have no regrets about.  As a disclaimer, it seems like a lot of people do think it is a bad thing to have regrets in life, but I don't think its necessarily a bad thing.  I have learned a lot from the things that I regret and they motivate me to do things or try things I sometimes hesitate at.  Like the fact that I regret not doing Study Abroad in college has pushed me to travel lots and live in Germany for a summer working for a law firm.  I may not have done that had I done Study Abroad.


  • Not doing Study Abroad during college - I always wanted to, but I just never found a way to make it happen.  Looking back, I see all sorts of ways I could have done this if I had just pushed hard enough or sacrificed a semester of school to work and save money.
  • Majoring in Finance as an undergrad - Not that it was a bad major, but I think Communications (a major which I never even considered) would have been much more up my alley. 
  • Not practicing the piano more while growing up - I'm not sure why I thought it was so boring, because every time I sit down to play a song now I find myself thinking "wow, I wish I had more time to practice because I really like playing the piano."
  • Deciding against buying a piece of art from one of the artists on the streets of Paris - it was so cheap and so cool and so parisian (well, maybe not so much, but it sure seems like it to us).
  • Losing touch with good (even best) friends - it just happens sometimes I guess with the different directions we all take in life.  But it shouldn't and I hate that it has.  And it has been so wonderful to reconnect with some of them through Facebook and blogs, but I still kick myself for all the missed opportunities of being there for each other over the years.
  • Every time I looked in a mirror and thought "I am too fat" or "I wish I was prettier" - Was I an idiot?  Yes I was.  Because other than a few really awkward years I was really cute growing up.  And in college.  And heck, I'm a freakin' babe now.  So I don't know what I was worrying about.  It took some work, but I don't ever think this about myself anymore.  It is so not worth it. 
  • Losing my retainer - I am facing the humiliating possibility of getting braces again.  It makes me want to cry.
  • Hurting Jessica's feelings the night before I entered the Missionary Training Center - I still don't remember what I did, and she may not even remember this, but she had written me a letter and brought it in to give to me in the basement at our aunt's house where we were staying.  I said or did something mean and hurt her feelings.  She tore up the letter into tiny pieces in front of me and threw them away.  I took the pieces out of the trash and with me to the MTC, but couldn't ever figure out what they had said.  I still wish I knew and get a little choked up over this incident.  Losing my retainer makes me want to cry, but losing her love at that moment makes me cry.  And I kick myself every time I hurt the feelings of someone I love now and look back at this moment.  It seems so small, but it is probably one of my biggest regrets.

No Regrets

  • Working for free for a law firm my 1L year of law school - A lot of first year law students stress out about finding a job that pays, but they are hard to come by.  I opted to work for free for a really amazing firm in Germany and had one of the best summers of my life. 
  • Skipping 8th grade - Made the decision in less than a minute when the Junior High Vice-Principal, Mr. Whale, told me that I had that option or I could be bused more than an hour each way every day to attend the gifted school.  If I hadn't skipped, I would have graduated in '99 - same year as Paul.
  • BYU - I harbored this secret desire as a senior in high school to go to Stanford (I am still a little giddy of the fact that I am now working for a firm that is literally less than a mile from the Stanford campus, although I am not in awe of it like I used to be back then), and I really wanted to go to UNC for law school.  But BYU was so good for me and so good to me.  I had great experiences, amazing professors, good friends, and met the love of my life. 
  • Getting married at age 23 - I thought it was too young and that I wasn't ready for marriage.  But Paul was right about us and so right for me and I'm glad we got married when we did.  Even though he was only 22 and I really wanted to wait until at least after his birthday in June so we would both be 23. 
  • Missing almost three weeks of school my last semester of law school - I still got good grades, I still graduated and I still passed the bar.  It made it possible for me to spent a week in Costa Rica and Panama relaxing, a week in Florida competing in Moot Court, and a week in Boston attending a law conference and seeing New England.
  • Buying Paul's Canon - Having a really nice camera rocks.  We have had more fun with that thing than any other toy we have ever owned. 
  • Any time I ever spent neglecting homework to spend it with friends - I always did fine in school and even if my grades had slipped a tiny bit it still would have been worth it.  Because those moments don't ever come back but the memories I made and the relationships I built have stayed with me.
Neither list is comphrensive but that's it for now.  How about you guys?  Feel free to share.  Or not.


  1. Even though I wanted to still live in San Luis Obispo after college, I will never regret moving home when my dad got sick. I also do regret not studying abroad.

  2. What a cool post! My biggest regret: my attitude toward law school. Biggest, uh, not regret: marrying Nathaniel.

  3. Oh I definitely remember that but I think I was just being a twelve year old and I've always thought that was my fault, so I was suprised to read that you blamed yourself, you shouldn't. I don't regret doing study abroad, or going on a mission (even though I haven't gone yet). Do regret not going to Peru.

  4. Short answer; I have no specific regrets. Not big ones anyway. My one big non-regret is going to BYU for undergrad, then going to UNLV for law school. Both worked out great.


  5. Hey Dee, what does "gonpay" mean?

  6. It's the word verification word I got when I types that comment. This one is coung.


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