Thursday, December 3, 2009

Thinking about the past

I'm not sure why I started thinking about these things this morning, but the idea has been running around my brain, so I thought I would just go ahead and share some of my biggest regrets and some of the things I have no regrets about.  As a disclaimer, it seems like a lot of people do think it is a bad thing to have regrets in life, but I don't think its necessarily a bad thing.  I have learned a lot from the things that I regret and they motivate me to do things or try things I sometimes hesitate at.  Like the fact that I regret not doing Study Abroad in college has pushed me to travel lots and live in Germany for a summer working for a law firm.  I may not have done that had I done Study Abroad.

Regrets

  • Not doing Study Abroad during college - I always wanted to, but I just never found a way to make it happen.  Looking back, I see all sorts of ways I could have done this if I had just pushed hard enough or sacrificed a semester of school to work and save money.
  • Majoring in Finance as an undergrad - Not that it was a bad major, but I think Communications (a major which I never even considered) would have been much more up my alley. 
  • Not practicing the piano more while growing up - I'm not sure why I thought it was so boring, because every time I sit down to play a song now I find myself thinking "wow, I wish I had more time to practice because I really like playing the piano."
  • Deciding against buying a piece of art from one of the artists on the streets of Paris - it was so cheap and so cool and so parisian (well, maybe not so much, but it sure seems like it to us).
  • Losing touch with good (even best) friends - it just happens sometimes I guess with the different directions we all take in life.  But it shouldn't and I hate that it has.  And it has been so wonderful to reconnect with some of them through Facebook and blogs, but I still kick myself for all the missed opportunities of being there for each other over the years.
  • Every time I looked in a mirror and thought "I am too fat" or "I wish I was prettier" - Was I an idiot?  Yes I was.  Because other than a few really awkward years I was really cute growing up.  And in college.  And heck, I'm a freakin' babe now.  So I don't know what I was worrying about.  It took some work, but I don't ever think this about myself anymore.  It is so not worth it. 
  • Losing my retainer - I am facing the humiliating possibility of getting braces again.  It makes me want to cry.
  • Hurting Jessica's feelings the night before I entered the Missionary Training Center - I still don't remember what I did, and she may not even remember this, but she had written me a letter and brought it in to give to me in the basement at our aunt's house where we were staying.  I said or did something mean and hurt her feelings.  She tore up the letter into tiny pieces in front of me and threw them away.  I took the pieces out of the trash and with me to the MTC, but couldn't ever figure out what they had said.  I still wish I knew and get a little choked up over this incident.  Losing my retainer makes me want to cry, but losing her love at that moment makes me cry.  And I kick myself every time I hurt the feelings of someone I love now and look back at this moment.  It seems so small, but it is probably one of my biggest regrets.

No Regrets

  • Working for free for a law firm my 1L year of law school - A lot of first year law students stress out about finding a job that pays, but they are hard to come by.  I opted to work for free for a really amazing firm in Germany and had one of the best summers of my life. 
  • Skipping 8th grade - Made the decision in less than a minute when the Junior High Vice-Principal, Mr. Whale, told me that I had that option or I could be bused more than an hour each way every day to attend the gifted school.  If I hadn't skipped, I would have graduated in '99 - same year as Paul.
  • BYU - I harbored this secret desire as a senior in high school to go to Stanford (I am still a little giddy of the fact that I am now working for a firm that is literally less than a mile from the Stanford campus, although I am not in awe of it like I used to be back then), and I really wanted to go to UNC for law school.  But BYU was so good for me and so good to me.  I had great experiences, amazing professors, good friends, and met the love of my life. 
  • Getting married at age 23 - I thought it was too young and that I wasn't ready for marriage.  But Paul was right about us and so right for me and I'm glad we got married when we did.  Even though he was only 22 and I really wanted to wait until at least after his birthday in June so we would both be 23. 
  • Missing almost three weeks of school my last semester of law school - I still got good grades, I still graduated and I still passed the bar.  It made it possible for me to spent a week in Costa Rica and Panama relaxing, a week in Florida competing in Moot Court, and a week in Boston attending a law conference and seeing New England.
  • Buying Paul's Canon - Having a really nice camera rocks.  We have had more fun with that thing than any other toy we have ever owned. 
  • Any time I ever spent neglecting homework to spend it with friends - I always did fine in school and even if my grades had slipped a tiny bit it still would have been worth it.  Because those moments don't ever come back but the memories I made and the relationships I built have stayed with me.
Neither list is comphrensive but that's it for now.  How about you guys?  Feel free to share.  Or not.

6 comments:

  1. Even though I wanted to still live in San Luis Obispo after college, I will never regret moving home when my dad got sick. I also do regret not studying abroad.

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  2. What a cool post! My biggest regret: my attitude toward law school. Biggest, uh, not regret: marrying Nathaniel.

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  3. Oh I definitely remember that but I think I was just being a twelve year old and I've always thought that was my fault, so I was suprised to read that you blamed yourself, you shouldn't. I don't regret doing study abroad, or going on a mission (even though I haven't gone yet). Do regret not going to Peru.

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  4. Short answer; I have no specific regrets. Not big ones anyway. My one big non-regret is going to BYU for undergrad, then going to UNLV for law school. Both worked out great.

    gonpay

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  5. Hey Dee, what does "gonpay" mean?

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  6. It's the word verification word I got when I types that comment. This one is coung.

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